New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
