I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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