So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
