Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
