i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
