I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
