Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He passed out mid-signature
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
