I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
