You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
