nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
