I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
