Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
