I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
