that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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