I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize