YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
