he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
