so explain again why im purple
no
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
