Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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