Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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