if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
