In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
