btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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