This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
