is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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