I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
