there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A+ Viking dick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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