I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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