he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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