She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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