you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
