Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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