just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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