Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Actions speak louder than pants.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
