sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
