that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
