It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
