Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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