i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
