ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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