Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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