If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
