we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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