I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize