I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
