I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
