it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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