there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
