"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
