so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
