the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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