I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
