Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
