im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
