I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
