If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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