I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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