You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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