I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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