And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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