its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
