a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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