i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Two words: blizzard sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
