You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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