If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
