you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
